An apology to my Earth:

“Nothing lives long

Only the Earth and the Mountains”

So goes the death song sung by White Antelope, the war chief of the Cheyennes tribe when he was killed by the white people.

Though I still cry at the fate of the Native Indian tribes, I am beginning to believe that it’s good that they are not here to see what has happened to their beloved earth and the mountains. To my beloved earth, forests and the mountains. Everywhere I go, I see signs of destruction, of greed, of a need that can never be fulfilled, of a dream that is only a mirage. But how do I tell people that? How do I tell people that all that they are seeking is right there, within the very earth, the forests and the mountains they are looting?

I dread to think what I will see in the next ten years; perhaps the Native Indians were wrong. Perhaps nothing will live long, not even the earth and the mountains. And when that happens, where will I be? Where will I live and where will I die?

“The old men say, the Earth only endures. You spoke truly, you are right.”

And along with the Earth, I also endure.

Hiraeth (n.):

Homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past. (Welsh)

Apart from the dirt and garbage all around, everything about the city was deeply altered by time. Five years old flyovers which appeared aged and used, shopping arcades where nothing existed, open spaces taken over by cramped up shops and houses and apartments instead of friendly houses and gardens. My sense of distances, still threaded with the experience back then of the languorous pace of cycle rickshaws got a jolt when we reached an hour’s distance in just 20 minutes.

When the flight landed, my feeling of anticipation of seeing the city after 23 years got muddled up with my sense of identity. Was I here as an outsider who had once called the city home or despite the years, I still belonged to this place? Streets and colonies went past in a blur as I struggled to find and recognize the familiar geography of childhood. Senses were overloaded with the transformation to even recollect those innocent fun-filled days. Till I reached my school.

As I walked down the path leading to the main gate and overlooking Mother Mary’s statue, my pace slowed down. The school was exactly how it was so many years ago and like waves the memories came crashing. Memories and nostalgia of a carefree world which I had put inside a box and kept sealed. I asked the gatekeeper if I could go in as the school was shut that day. Something in my face must have softened him as he allowed me in. As I walked down all the familiar areas, somehow I felt taller and bigger and the school smaller. Life has played out its many chapters since then and this is where it all started, this is where my character began to take shape. When a knot began forming in my throat and my heart got heavier, I decided to turn back.

The house where I had spent the best decade of my childhood and the one which still comes in my dreams sometime, has been razed to the ground. The garden which I had so loved was a concrete area waiting to metamorphose into another cold apartment building. The orchard and the pond where we had spent thousands of happy afternoons, was now only a part of my memory. There was nothing left in this mohalla which I could remember or call as home.

Disappointment. Sadness. And a realization that there is no coming back, and the fact that this home was also temporary.

A Day I Will Never Forget:

As I looked at the mountains from my room in Leh early in the morning, I knew for sure that I would be leaving the high mountains that day. It had been snowing in the upper reaches of these mountains since the past few days. But that day, the clouds had turned darker and come down lower than usual. Up until then I was uncertain as to when I would leave, trying my best to extend my stay as much as possible. Despite the bad weather, I understood that the mountains were permitting me to go.

  

When the realization set in, each second seemed to pass extremely slowly yet very fast at the same time. My mind was trying to accept the fact that I was leaving while my heart tried to memorise all the moments. As the minutes passed and my turmoil grew, it seemed that the mountains understood what I felt and mirrored it back. The car ride to the taxi stand to book tickets, feeling happy to find only Ladakhi drivers there, glimpses of heavy snow even on the lower ranges as the clouds parted, the growing cold, the hushed lunch with colleagues, the walk back to the guest house as the wind picked up speed, autumn leaves raining down all around me, the clouds growing thicker by the minute, the meticulous yet hurried packing, TC rushing back from a wedding lunch to say goodbye and calling me to open the gates, the sudden silence all around as the first tiny swirls of snow fell on my face and hair when I rushed outside without a jacket to open the gates, the goodbyes at the guest house which did not sound like goodbyes, rushing back to the office for a short farewell which did not feel like a farewell as people discussed the sanity of leaving by road on that day, the clouds almost reaching the ground and snow falling hard as my time to leave approached, the tight hugs and goodbyes to my colleagues said with a smile on my face and a lump in my throat.

As my luggage was loaded into the tempo traveler and I settled down in my seat, the sky cleared as if by magic. The last orange rays of the setting sun lit up the stray clouds that remained in the dark blue sky, as if the snow had fallen in my dreams. We stopped thrice in the first few hours of the journey, once due to an engine problem and twice due to tyre punctures, after which it was a bitterly cold but a smooth ride all the way. Once in the first dawn light, I opened my eyes and saw immense snow peaks all around me faintly glowing in the pre-morning light.

I felt happy as I closed my eyes and fell asleep once more. The mountains had spoken. I knew then that I will be back again soon.  

  

The Calling:

When the call comes, life in the city begins to feel like one huge lie. You see the same people on the roads, friends talking excitedly, families having lunch in expensive restaurants or going to movies, the guy selling idlis at the street corner, the auto-wallahs not ready to take you where you want to go, the locals still running 10 minutes behind schedule. All the sights which once made you feel safe and secure, now seems fake. I can almost use the word ‘maya’ for it. But then, isn’t that ultimately the truth?

The slow destruction of a life which you once thought you will have, the notion of a life which is just out of grasp, the real reasons that push you to do things that are not important, the fears that push you to not do things that are important....it’s the call which suddenly brings everything up to the fore and tells you on your face who you are. It also tells you on your face that you, who think of yourself as straightforward, are at some point living a hypocrite’s life.

For me the mountains are the mirror which shows me my true self, shred of all the false layers that I knowingly or unknowingly have put on in the cities striping me to the bare bones.  For me, they are the shoulders where I can lay my mind filled with chaos to rest. For me, they are the ones which keep me tied to the existence of my life.

And when the call comes, everything ceases to matter. The only thing that matters is that you Have to go.

The Selfie:

Whose image are you staring at? Is that you or is that somebody who you want others to believe you are? You live your whole life chasing an image, enhancing it, doing things which the person in the image would do if he/she were to actually exist. Your relationships are based on what that person would want, you keep ‘friends’ who will make you look good. No, you are not capable of falling in love because love is spontaneous, from the heart. It cannot be created like that image. Even if it stares at your face, you choose to look away. By the end you forget who you really were born to be. Because I am sure none of us are born to be an image of an ‘other’.  

Why is it so important to define the ‘I’? What a torture for the soul to live within a frame instead of an exploration with colours, patterns, textures and style.  What a torture for the soul to be limited by one’s own perceptions instead of a journey that lets you discover so many interesting nuances of the ‘I’.  What a torture for the soul to be surrounded by well defined similar images as a support system instead of letting your heart find the resonance of its music in others.

Imagine in the end the kaleidoscope that could be your own unique life. Or a brilliant work of art with its particular dashes of shades and colours all of your own.

And in that true life, there would also be me, painting along with you on the way.

The Race:

It is beautiful still

It was a race

Between the setting sun and me

I caught up just as it turned bright orange

With red flecks and saw it slip behind a hill

I glimpsed upon its reflection

On the misty waters of a quiet lake below

I turned with a sign

To the far horizon on the other side

Where a flimsy orange moon

Was getting bolder by the minute

I lay there on top of a hill

Caught between a setting sun and a rising moon

The wind rushing past my ears

And a tranquil unmoving silence all around

It was painful

This unhurried beauty

The mind was in a chaos

Afraid of the future

Till what time, till what time

I asked the darkening sky

The stars sparkled

The moon beamed a golden surreal light

I fell silent

Yes, it is beautiful still

How to ride a bicycle and be carefree:

Just go to Vietnam! It’s a bicycle country. Everybody rides bicycle here – men, women, children, dogs, cats, in cities, in rural areas, everywhere. So cyclists have the right of way and more importantly other heavy vehicles on the roads keep a lookout for them.

What struck me when we landed in Hanoi was that everything looked similar, like Delhi was before Commonwealth. Muddy little lanes without pavements, haphazard way of erecting buildings, plastic lining the highway; the only change was that people looked different and traffic moved on the right hand side.

Ten days, erratic weather and a few local train travels later, the differences between our country and theirs started to emerge – strongly. In all reality it’s just a 38 years old country, for that’s when the war had ended. Just like most post war countries, population boomed from a mere 10 millions to around 90 millions today resulting in a lot of spread or growth in construction everywhere. People are not that sensitive to environment yet and laws are still not as strong as it’s our country. Like most Asian countries, Vietnam society also yearns for a son who will pray for them when they die. In smaller towns, two coffees together will result in discussions of marriage. The concept of men helping in housework is still not acceptable. Yet, in these 38 years, Vietnam has moved so much ahead of us - in development, infrastructure, lifestyle and most importantly attitude.

The plastic lining the highway in Hanoi was an aberration. Even though rustic, the rest of the country is spotlessly clean. Like most South East Asian countries, people are well dressed, friendly and naively lacking the ability to differentiate which usually ends in subtle forms of racism elsewhere. There is dignity in labour; people are polite and very punctual. You still have to cross the roads just as blindly as we do here but motorists will gracefully let you go first.

Sitting besides the Hoan Kiem Lake near the old quarters of Hanoi in the warm mellow winter sun, I felt I could spend an entire lifetime just watching people and life go by. Young mothers strolling with their adorable babies, the students trying to chat up tourists in order to improve their English, the many pre-wedding photo shoots with brides and grooms posing in different places – there was a languid quality to life here.   

The afternoon sun filtering in through the tree got caught in the grey hair of an old couple sitting on a bench and chatting with each other. That warm picture made me feel like growing old just like them and in a place just like this.          

But till that time, I would happily ride a bicycle along the sea coast totally free and perhaps even collect wildflowers on the way! 

Innocence:

Recently I went for a workshop in Himachal; to a village verging on turning into a small town but not quite there yet.  The snow peaks were covered by clouds testing me once more. Pretty valleys surrounded us but wherever I looked, I saw signs of human habitation spreading like an octupus’ tentacles – modern buildings, mobile towers, cars, garbage etc.

My workshop was full of energetic and super enthusiastic youngsters from cities all across the country. It was interesting to observe these youngsters and their behaviour pattern; those from Delhi were hesitant at first in making friends, ones from Chennai were a naturally bubbly lot who though friendly tended to form a group, the students from Bangalore were balanced while the only other girl from Mumbai mingled with everybody like she knew all of them from before. 

  

While the post-sessions time rang out with songs and laughter around a bon-fire, I would sit aside and think back to a time when I was a student like them and yet so different from them. While I used to be totally confused, scared and restless, these youngsters were focussed, confident, knew what they wanted and were well travelled to boot.  

    

I befriended a 24 year old Himachali girl who had just completed her Masters from JNU. She told me how most in her circle of friends were already disillusioned with life. When I probed, she said it was possibly due to so many choices in life or that JNU generally bred disillusionment.   

It was during a short interactive session with 12^th Std. students from the local government school that it struck me. It was innocence or rather the lack of it. What the local students had, their city bred counterparts lacked a great deal.     

One day, our coordinator recounted how he had taken his 6 year old daughter to a river which was almost pristine. When he told her the name of the river, she asked,“ How can it be a river, this one doesn’t stink?”  

With no real connect with nature now left, I fear that all innocence will now be gone with this little girl’s generation.   

Dolce far Niente!

I had forgotten just how sweet it can be.

I had forgotten just how good it feels when you can remain snuggled under the cover, in the darkness listening to the heavy fall of rain outside. I let an hour pass as I turned from side to side drifting in and out of sleep. I decided to finally get up after the domestic help had left and the house had fallen silent. I switched off all the fans and opened the windows wide. Rain sprinkled in along with gusts of wind. I could hear the mad rustling of the Peepal tree outside as I sat down with a cup of tea and the daily newspapers. Four wet sparrows came and sat on the window grill chirping hesitantly. I was so happy to see them. I got up and sprinkled some rice for them, so that they would come again and again to visit me.

After a while I threw the papers away. Today was not a day to read about the bad or even the good stuff happening everywhere. It was just the kind of day for not doing anything. So I just lazed on the bed gazing outside at the darkening sky and the moss covered building. Rain lashed and then slowed down to a drizzle. Thoughts came and went; emotions surfaced and then died out.

It was a day for not doing anything. No reading, no listening to music, no house work, no office work. Just be. In the moment. Guilt free.

The sweetness of not doing anything. I think I will repeat this another day very soon. 

Putting a Finger:

My month and a half escape to pure freedom is nearing a decade and so is my journey with writing. Looking back, it seems like a defining decade and journey - a decade which constantly kept me on my toes, forever shifting, forever questioning. Chapters opened and chapters closed in quick succession egging me on to the path where I should be. I rose to great heights and fell from greater heights teetering on the brink of a space where there is either chaos or magic. Now I can see that by luck or divine interventions, I always fell on the side of magic.

2003 was a tumultuous year for me. The third annual trek to the Himalayas only added to the gnawing restlessness which ate up my soul. My mind was filled with questions and an ever increasing need to escape so much so that I could not think of anything else. And as the saying went, the universe conspired to give me exactly what I needed. At that time I didn’t know what the consequences of such a want would be and where it would lead me. It’s only a decade later that I can afford to breathe and look back with ease.

It’s the middle of 2013 and the year is no where similar to the one a decade back. There are no more questions eating out my soul, only the warmth of the present moment. There are times when a strange and different kind of restlessness rears its head.....a restlessness which is not satisfied by the many short and long trips I take on work and holidays leaving me claustrophobic and gasping. Maybe it’s a shadow or reminder of something which I have not felt in a long time. Maybe it’s a precursor to something much bigger.

Whatever it may turn out to be, I now know that I am looking forward to another decade of an unfathomable journey and another decade of writing about it.

Randomness:

It’s the night, always the night that makes you think.

Sitting by the window and watching the distant twinkling lights of the airport, the silent buzz of traffic on the tarmac that never ceases, the occasional sound of a flight taxing down the runway in the dead of the night,  tends to make me feel terribly and strangely lonely yet fuzzily warm all at the same time.

I sit by the window and think of all the stories that take place every day and every hour within its vast yet limited confines. I think of stories of people leaving for destinations far and near, leaving behind many loved ones perhaps, going to places big or small but different from ours, sometimes never to return, of coming back to empty apartments. I think of stories of people who would perhaps be coming home from distant lands to loved ones, the excitement of meeting families and friends, the excitement of discovering a new place, of travelling together.  

I sit by the window and think of my story...of how similar or different it would be from those stories out there.  

And in the mornings, the aloof yet inviting lights fade and the building merges with others against the grey sky. The stories of people also fade as daily life takes over.  

Sometimes I Wonder:

Is this how I wanted the world around me to be? I remember times in those years gone by when I would sit by the window or verandah and dream about a world. Not this. Now that world in my head seems so distant and hazy that I cannot remember a thing in it. But it was definitely not this. This world lacks the innocence of my world, the enchantment of finding a never discovered place, the happiness of aimlessly ambling around, the truth of an everlasting relationship.   

Sometimes I Wonder

Just how resilient am I? Till this omnipotent claustrophobia not of my making finally engulfs me. This noise, people…too many people, this unbearable mass of clutter all around and the ever present evidence of humanity in even the remotest corners. Perhaps there will come a time when somebody will break my reverie on a cold mountain top one day and say ‘Kindly adjust’.

Sometimes I Wonder

How much time till I finally give up? On people and relationships of any kind. Far too many people have far too many hesitations and restrictions of their own making. You can keep extending your hand - for friendship, love, to help, to just give without return – but you will not find another hand extended in return. Too many people are far too busy creating a chimera of extraordinary lives that they will feel empty without.

Sometimes I Wonder

How fast can I change with the changing time? Or will I forever be stuck in the past? My dreams are still there but they were built in the past. That world and this world do not match anymore. There is nothing new in this world. Perhaps like the frequency of changing mobile phones and laptops, I will also have to keep changing my dreams to find the missing newness.     

Sometimes I wonder….how much more….just how much more…..

Bangalored!

I finally found a city which lets me dream.

It’s not important that I can be myself here. What I treasure most is that I can simply lose myself there...no need to be even me. This is the only city where I can walk without a care in the world, lost in my own thoughts, my own tune. This is the only city where I can walk and walk and just keep walking. This is the only city where I can sit alone in its many parks with the sun filtering through its beautiful trees and read uninterrupted for hours. The only interruption is when I want to listen to the wind rustling the leaves of the trees or when I want to see how close the squirrels could come to you.  

For many years, I have travelled to Bangalore for just a couple of days when it would be work and hurried meetings with friends.  This time I stayed for a much longer time, enough to understand the pulse of the city and its people. What I saw I loved immensely - its many quaint lanes and by-lanes covered with massive rain trees, beautiful buildings and delightful cafes. A good mix of both Delhi and Mumbai, its unhurried, laid back pace lets you enjoy life at your own pace. I felt at peace, content yet energetic. And there were many a-times while sitting out late at night with the chilly breeze on my face and gazing at the sky, I felt a pure happiness which I have not felt in years.

Perhaps it was me. Perhaps it was the simple realisation that all those dreams that I have had was right there, coming to me at its own time and pace.

Or perhaps it was just the city weaving its spell around me.  

Change is the Only Constant:

I like change. It takes me to whole new places, physically, mentally and emotionally. It lets me experience things I have never experienced before. It forces me to meet people I would have never met otherwise. It makes me to do things I would never dream of doing.

I am scared of change. I am scared of leaping into the unknown knowing that I might not land on my feet. I am scared of hurting and bruising myself over and over again. One part of me would love to spend the rest of my life in cosy familiarity, doing the same thing again and again with my circle of known people.

One part of me would die if I didn’t grow. Perhaps this part of me is stronger. Every time I start feeling the fuzzy warmth of familiarity around me and think of wallowing in it, change forces its way in to say it missed me.

It’s the beginning of another year and I begin it with yet another change. Where the change will lead me, how I will cope....I have no idea.

All I know now that it’s there and I have to take its hand.

To Sir with Love:

He was a frail man in his sixties but looked much older. An advanced stage of Parkinson’s disease made his hands shake a lot and his gait was an excruciatingly slow shuffle. Whenever he used to get up to go to the washroom, I used to get scared that he might fall down. He had lost most of his hair but he always used to slowly put on his turban before opening the door for anyone. His beard was completely white. I can’t remember the details now but his children did not really care about him. He used to live alone with his very simple wife in his two room house which was in a bad need for repair.

In those days, getting tuition outside of school was looked down upon. It meant that you are so dull that you have to seek help for studying. I was a brilliant student till 4th Std and a favourite of many of my teachers. But something had switched in my head by the time I reached the next class. In the next three years, my studies plummeted and I became withdrawn…..to such an extent that in Class 8th I failed in Chemistry in one trimester. The fact that I was barely saved from repeating the same class, made me sit up and think hard. I went up to my father myself and told him I needed help.

Sir, as I have always known and called him, never gave me any work to do initially. I used to go to his house, fiddle around with my books, drink tea made by his wife and go back home. Only when he was sure I was comfortable did he ask me to attempt solving problems given in school. All he would do was clarify the basics and let me solve the problems myself. He always told me that I knew all the answers which made me slowly get rid of the fear of theorams, equations and mathematical problems and start enjoying the challenge of solving them. Soon I was balancing equations in class in front of everybody and solving problems which even the most intelligent girls in class could not solve.

From barely managing a 40% in most science subjects, I went on to score good enough marks to take up Science in Plus two. He didn’t smile or get ecstatic like I was. He just re-iterated my faith in myself. We had to move out of our rented house soon after. I didn’t go to say bye to Sir as I felt too awkward. I am sure he must have thought why I had stopped coming to see him.

A few years later, I got the news that he had succumbed to his illness. I felt hollow and remembered that I had never even said a good-bye.

For me, he was the best teacher I ever had...the only one who made me retain my faith in my abilities. The only one who had more faith in me than I had in myself.

Wasted Years:

I recently met a guy in his early forties looking for answers through a spiritual quest. Shy, introverted, he has difficulty talking to people around him. He is also risk averse, so much so that he stayed in one job for 15 years just because his horoscope told him not to. In that 15 years, he faced so much of politics that he got stress disorder, anxiety and depression. With a hint of pride, he told me that he has never dated.

Instead of feeling sympathy for him, I felt so repulsed that I could have easily slapped him. What good is a spiritual search if you do not want to change yourself in the process? What good is a life if you cannot go beyond yourself and seeing the world only from your narrow perspective? What good is living if you have not taken a risk?

I have a friend who due to some childhood issues tends to fall into relationships where the guy treats her like dirt. She has understood the repeat pattern in her life and the reason for the same, yet she does not have the will to break away from it.

In the meanwhile, years have gone by unattended. And then when you actually do turn around, the world around you has changed and you realise that you have missed out on a prime facet called Life.

I believe in karma (not the negative types and which results in a fatalistic approach to life) and I believe in re-incarnation. I know I have lived for centuries and probably will for the next few centuries. It’s a burden then to keep coming back just to understand your repeat patterns and break them. Imagine living 180 years (or three lives) just to understand that all you needed to do was say No, or extend a hand, or say sorry!

Be aware of yourself. Once you know who you are, what others say or do to you will cease to matter. As a friend had once told me long ago - if you know better, act better.

Change now. Live your life as if there is a meaning. Keep growing as a spiritual being.

Time is precious.

Home Coming:

It’s been seven long years now. I am finally going to the cold, beautiful, unfathomable high mountains up north. I am finally going home!

The sneak peek of the high mountains last year in Arunachal convinced me that the Himalayas is finally ready to have me back. But there is no mad restlessness or crazy happiness of a decade ago. Just a warm dull physical pain right in the middle of my heart. It might be due to the lack of exercise or some approaching ailment; but I want to believe that it’s the pain one feels when you are about to meet a person you had loved and lost. I am apprehensive and I am scared.

And I am happy too that the mountains have not forgotten me. That it may take years – of suppressing all longings and desires, of choosing something else over them – to come back, but these cold mountains will always be there.

For me.

 

Literacy Vs Education:

It’s a very thick line between being literate versus being educated. A person who just knows about stuff on the surface is a literate person but somebody who actually understands something and practices it is in reality, an educated person. Oh yes, sometimes it takes ages and peeling off layers of ego to shift from the first to the latter.

Let me give you an example.

I know two women, both in their late 20s and early 30s. S is a graduate and risen in her career due to her brilliant work. She loves kids to death and is touched by human stories. She pays for the education and welfare of a girl child somewhere in rural India. Whenever I broach the topic of environment, she gets bored and tells me categorically that she is not interested. That human life and humanity is more importance to her than environmental issues. Yet, when we discussed about not bringing in plastic bags in our houses, she readily agreed. Now even after 5 years, her house is plastic free. Though she is not overly fond of animals, she has made friends with a neighbour’s dog and tries to help out stray kittens and dogs. Moreover, she’s conscious of wastage of water, over use of electricity and other environment related things.

And then there is N. N is a journalist from a good institute and therefore doing well in her career. She told me that she likes wildlife and environment and wants to pursue that from her career perspective. Yet, when I told her that she should stop taking plastic bags, she just laughed. I even gave her a foldable cloth bag which she has never used. Her house is littered with plastic bags of various size and shape. Like all others, she takes a plastic bag when she buys even a toothbrush. She hates stray dogs, cats, crows and even squirrels. She wants more resorts to open up near wildlife reserves to help wildlife lovers like her.  And she switches on the light in the morning instead of opening her window.

To others, N is far more intellectual, educated and aware than S will ever be. But for me S will always be a better human being and a higher soul than N and others.   

Looking Ahead:

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I will be what I am or will be where I am.

In the conventional way that our lives are led and the way society behaves at large, I am an abject failure. I am nearing my forties, I don’t hold any post or designation that is of any significance to anyone, I haven’t done anything remarkable in my career, I do not have any savings or assets to speak of and I have steadfastly refused to settle down into a family life.

And with the way the world and life around is going, I often get scared of myself and my situation. Looking back, there are many many things I would have done differently if I had just thought things through. I would have listened to my father and mother more and made different choices in life. I do not know who I would have become but I definitely would have achieved most of the above.

But here I am. My mad search for that elusive something and a desire of not being chained to anything has led me to this state where I have nothing. Some concerned friends tell me to go back and restart...but I have come a long way ahead in my search to now turn back. And strangely, despite having nothing, everything feels right.

Looking ahead, I still cannot see my path or goal clearly but something tells me I am moving in the right direction. All I have now is Faith.

And perhaps ten years down the line, I will come to a stage where I might again say that never in my wildest dreams did I know I will be what I am or be where I am.

The Corner Book Shop:

I miss the corner book shops. The little shops with small sections on every topic - sometimes so small that you would wonder whether you can ever find any book here.

One of my favourite such book stores is Facts and Fiction in Delhi (though I don’t know whether it still exists or not). Panels painted in green and situated at a corner of the Priya Complex, this bookstore had a wonderful feel the moment you stepped inside it. Books were stacked up in shelves and on the floor with hardly much space to move about. There was no order in which the books were placed within the sections which made browsing all the more interesting because you didn’t know what to expect next. Hours would just pass by while you read, re-read reviews at the back trying to decide which ones to leave behind. The proprietor or the manager was gruff and a man of few words but he didn’t need his computer to know whether a particular book was there in his store or not. If you asked, he would suggest you which books to pick up. Surprisingly the store had the exact type of books which you would want to pick up and many more.

In those days of no internet or rather not much use of the net, I intuitively picked up books which have made great impact on me, most of them from this corner book shop. Some of these books which I randomly picked out on my own are Into the Wild, Into thin air, Touching the Void, Brian Weiss’s Only love is Real, Horse Whisperer and many more.

It’s strange how you find the right books at the right time of your life... which I could find only at these tiny corner book shops. I don’t like the big sanitised bookstores because I don’t know from where to start and where to end and mostly they don’t have the ones which interest me. Online bookstores are great for their services and cheaper rates but you can buy only if you know what you want. No unexpected or happy discoveries here.

It’s been quite some time that I last went into such a bookstore. I have made a list of to-read books which I promptly order online one at a time. If some of these bookstores have gone out of business, then you know that I am partly to be blamed for it.